Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
