she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
