did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
