Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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