So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
