I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
