yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
