You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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