the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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