you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
