I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i now understand why vodka
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize