Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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