there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
