does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
