The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
