Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
