Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
