hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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