i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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