I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
