Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
false alarm, still single
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
