I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
