so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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