Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
