One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
