He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
