i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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