Pappa wants mamma naked
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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