I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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