Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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