Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
