he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
