The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
