I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
