she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
