i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
