the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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