The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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