Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
