The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
