Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
