Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
