i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
