there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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