I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
