you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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