You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
