escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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