Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
