you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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