I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
