she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
