"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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