I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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