Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
