toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
