omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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