Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When are your genitals available?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
