I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
