I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
