Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
