I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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