So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hello my rib-scented angel!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize