seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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