Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
