I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
