so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
