dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
