pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
