Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
