he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
