I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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